We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
