if you like me you must not know who I am
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
