be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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