Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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