i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
