i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
