i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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