so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
