found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
