marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize