how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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