you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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