i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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