Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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