Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
