take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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