New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
