Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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