I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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