Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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