He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i came on her dog
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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