He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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