I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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