I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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