dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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