just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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