I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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