oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
