So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
