When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
