We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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