ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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