In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I understand Curling. That high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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