They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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