so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
