So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
