in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
