Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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