his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
