So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
