I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
