I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
