just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
