So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize