I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
