i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
