i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
