He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
