Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
babies were throwing up all over the place
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
