I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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