dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
