totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
