I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
