I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
