Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
