Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize