Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
