cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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