i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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