im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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