tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
