btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
