We won't sleep together?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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