Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
