How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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