Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
