so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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