The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
