I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
