i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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