When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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