mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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