i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
