how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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