she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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