Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we're so committed to being not committed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
