do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
